I saw the photo again of your music project. I realized I have a problem. I liked your pic for two reasons. Office supplies (officemax and staples circulars are like porn to me) and organization. Then I liked it for another reason. I wanted to make a mess of your organization, But then 1) i’d freak out cause of all the mess…and 2) i’d get excited cause I get to organize….with office supplies…then I would be all fustrated cause I wouldn’t know where to start (I make good messes), and i’d have a panic attack cause…OMG…THERE’S SO MUCH!…I’LL NEVER FINISH!…so I run to my freezer and smash open the bottle of vodka I have hidden behind the bottle of vodka…and chug my apprehension away. In the morning…i wake up covered in post its, pen ink stained lips, and my bra on backwards, but everything is organized…so i climb up on the couch, sit back, and bask in the glory of all my hard work. Then my eye starts to twitch. Everything is so organized!…too organized! So I climb onto the back of the couch…and launch myself through the air, like one of The Flying Wallendas onto my orginazational triumph!…this is a normal cycle, right? Whatever…yes it is…anywho…i miss you. Now I think i’ll go to OfficeMax and press my breasts against the staplers. Mmmmm…
Ok…here’s the story…bored one day, layin in bed, i decided to have a little fun…so i pulled up some porn on my phone (i know all the best sites by heart…hehehe) and started going to town. During my excursion, the “movie” began to interest me as this tiny woman was actually being impaled by the biggest..ok well u know…anyway…there was no way this woman was faking the pain, but, like a good little trooper, she trudged through, trying to take the insertion. I was so intruigued that i stopped…sat up and watched closely as this woman was seemingly split in half by this man. I ended up watching all 40 minutes of the porn, even plugging in my phone because my phone was draining my battery. I was so distracted by the movie, that i forgot about my destination altogether. This has happened on a couple of occasions. My question is, if porn doesn’t get you off, but instead distracts you and entertains you from your original purposing of said porn, is it good porn, or is it bad porn?
Ok…i may be late on this…and everyone may have given their opinion…but Wonder Woman’s new look was revealed at the recent comicon convention and word on the street is that this new look may be the costume used for the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. After seeing this outfit, i was pissed. Wonder Woman looked like a crime fighting hooker. Her once shapley bossom, now looked like they were each bigger than her head. Her once signature golden eagle and star spangled blue bloomers, replaced by a spaghetti strap bustier, jacket, and painted on pants.
I have been waiting for this movie all my life. I remember getting sick in my grandma’s front yard cause i couldn’t spin fast enough to turn into Wonder Woman. I remember my first pair of WW underoos…and getting in trouble cause i would show everyone. I also remember meeting Wonder Woman herself at an airport baggage claim a few years back. I was so awestruck, she thought i was special. (Shaddup.)
I beg you…makers of this film…Don’t fuck this up…not many femme super heroes have made it or will be considered for silver screen adaptations compared to the male counterparts. Don’t let this go the way of Catwoman, or Elektra. (Bad wig? Pajamas? C’mon!)
Oh…and just in case one of you does read this and wonders who i think would fit as WW…i have two things to say:
1.NOT MEGAN FOX! The part is above her and her below par acting. I think i would actually have a heart attack.
2.watch JESSICA BIEL in Blade Trinity….that’s all i’m sayin.
Ok…i guess that just about covers it all….
I guess it’s time to squeeze into my underoos and get some sleep. Goodnight people!
And if anyone knows the WW people…please..let them knowwwww….SOYLENT GREEEN…IT’S MADE OUT OF PEOPLE! YOU GOTTA TELL EM…
...lying in my bed, i hear the clock tick and i think of...
So…12:34. What to wish for…i wish i was a billionaire….sike…no i don’t. Mo’ money, Mo’ problems…well…No money Mo’ problems too, so you’re fucked either way, right? So..i’ll wish for a unicorn. I could keep him hidden, feed him apples, and ride him nude when no one is looking…and when i get bored, which is inevitable, i can sell him for big bucks. Win/win, right? 99 problems and a bitch ain’t one. Well…not really. They’re all bitches. Anyway. I forgot what i was gonna post. Hmmm…well..it’ll come back to me soon, but i miss you guys! All of you…Moneypenny…mimi…elena…c…whore (yes i know i spelled it wrong)…all of yous…sorry i been away…life just kinda bit me in the ass and i got lost, but i’ll try and post more…i love you all!
SITUATION: SMALL PLANE CRASHES INTO 7 STORY BUILDING IN AUSTIN
…is it necessary to announce that there are FBI offices in the next building? shouldn’t that be priveledged information?…also…to the news people and the man who wanted to remain anonymous…ANONYMOUS = UNKNOWN…I can describe you perfectly, right down to THE NAMETAG YOU WERE WEARING!…dumbasses…
I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan, welcome to the land of fame excess, am i gonna fit in?
I totally plan on singing this when i’m exiting the plane on my next visit to LA. At the top of my lungs. With alot of enthusiasm…and my trusty stripper/slut/miley moves. Do i need a cigarette in my mouth?…should i get liqoured up on the plane for effect?…wow…it’s hard being me…i also need a cardigan, short shorts and boots. IMA LOOK SO HIPSTER! YASSS!!!!! Nylon….stuff that in your hookah and suck, bitch! DVS…OUT!
…barely speaking, but my silence says more than my words ever could…laying in the darkness…rolling around an empty bed…is it cold…or is it me?…my blankets are warm…i have nothing left to say…i just want to fucking sleep…and be happy…i never get that part right…shit.
…i been watching it on ABC (11-12 ct.) for months now (don’t judge me, u watched jersey shore)…and recently they’ve been airing the re-vamped original episodes…YES!…more than ever i wanna talk with overzealous hand movement and really bad puns and one liners…ahhh…i’m looovin’ it!…back to my shows! **highkicks air for no reason** I’LL TUMBL BY LATER! **spins dramatically** I’LL KEEP YOU POSTED! **jumps into air landing in fight pose** I THINK I PULLED SOMETHING…i’m out….bye…**limps away**
she’s got cute glasses
and curly hair
skull and crossbones on her underwear
our talks are priceless
she means so much
at times she makes me want to go dutch (hehehe)
her lips are full
her eyes are catty
i’ve seen her ass, she has a phatty
2 truths and a lie
i may have said
between the lines you should have read
my pussy is great
i know for sure
ask james bond…she was his whore.
…i dream about a girl who’s a mix of Destiny’s Child, just a little touch of Madonna’s wild style, with Janet Jackson’s smile, throw in a body like Jennifer’s you’ve got the star of my liquid dreams…(if you pay attention to the song and actually created this woman a la WEIRD SCIENCE…she’d be hideous…and probably rape you…just saying.)
…alot of people think it’s a horrid show…but i still find humor in it…i’m sorry but i need unrealistic funny tv time…but it seems everything i like gets canceled…i liked PUSHING DAISIES…it’s now six feet under…i liked CUPID…it got shot out of the sky…someone better start doing something about this or i’m gonna start liking your shows next…i have no problem getting McDreamy and that cockeyed asian woman on GREY’S ANATOMY cancelled..or that Heimlick woman from PRIVATE PRACTICE…pleeeaaaseee….leave me something to watch!
“My only fear is, I always sabotage myself when I’m on the verge of happiness. In my young life, I’ve seen that every time I’m about to achieve true happiness some little piece of me says ‘you don’t deserve this’ and another little piece says ‘I agree’.”—Lisa Simpson, Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words (via tristn) (via forwhenifeellikesharing)
You’re an asshole…you fucking phone…and i know it’s rIdiculous…you assfuck…i was typing fast and missed it…ugh…i hate not being able to edit. YOU ARE A MOOSEKNUCKLE GOATFUCKER MONKEYBALL ASSFUCK, YOU BITCH!…
…i post from my phone…my spelling is horrendous, my grammer is attroceous, my punctuation rediculous, but when i catch something…i would like to edit it…my phone doesn’t seem to want to let me edit text…FUCK YOU!!! you may have won the battle, but you haven’t won the war.
**double pissed..i tried posting this twice…once…i lost signal…the second…i accidentally bumpped the back button…so i had to rewrite everything i had written…this has happened before. FML and FFFUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!
…in lieu of charity work…i will go around with my Windmachine 2000 and sing (insert appropriate cause or person here) Halo…blame it on b…she gave me the idea and the damn song is now burned into my mind…just like sara mac, and her dying dogs…you know the song…yup Angel…so…got a cause?…hit me up…i’ll belt out a Halo for the opening of a mailbox…just bring an extension cord for muh divafan…tumblr i can see your halooooo…you know your my saving graaaaace…
…and i’m still asking…really Beyonce? Haiti Halo? You couldn’t think of anything else to sing?…the only thing missing was an oversized bow on ur ass and and ur diva fan and we would’ve had the full sasha experience…anyway…just my opinion…now…if only i can find a place to plug in this WindMachine 2000…watchout B…i’m coming through…
…damnit Hoarr…u and your delicious donut…now i want one, you rat bastard! Unfortunately…i’m nakie and lazy…so i’m confined to home…so i’ll see what we have in the fridge. Looks like tonights snack of choice…toasted blueberry bagels with strawberry cream cheese…yummm!..hmmm…you think u still win…with your big ol’ donut?…well…ima stand in the mirror and watch myself eat my bagel naked!…ANOTHER WIN FOR THEDVSANGEL!!! **spikes bagel & dances** SHIT!!
…i miss you my sister, and the random conversations about anything and nothing. i miss the funny stories about racing the office alarm or being a child lesbian. i miss pictures of broken anal beads from weekends in mexico. i miss phone conversations about your amazing offspring and pets that have it in for you. i miss you my kismet twin and i love you very much, Pussy Galore.
Love You Forever and Always,
I’m sitting here, enjoying my nacho cheese and ritz (healthfood of champions) when i accidentaly drip cheese on my boob. Without thinking i lick it off (yup fellas, i actually licked cheese off my boob.) and my first thought was…”I miss spring break.”…what the hell did i do during those days that i don’t remember? My drunken inner slut is trying to claw her way back out. Wow. I have nothing left to say. O_O
So…i curled up in bed and rested all day, on a cloud of boogery Kleenex, put to sleep by the chiming of my cell phone, ringing, ever so slightly out of reach, but loud enough to blast open the gates of heaven. I slept and missed anything worth watching, but caught Cheaters re-runs and the wonderful personalities on The Steve Wilkos Show…but the highlight of my day? JOSE LUIS SIN CENSURAS. The Latin (excuse the term, i’m too lazy to find out specifics on this man) Jerry Springer. I watched with glee, clapping along as the audience chanted “PIRUJA! PIRUJA! PIRUJA! PIRUJA!” Or “PENDEJO! PENDEJO! PENDEJO! PENDEJO!” Can u imagine? The audience cusses! Cussing is my favorite! Not to mention bitchfights, and whores…what else can i ask for in daytime entertainment? Wait…what? 3 times a day? NO WAY. Well…being an angel is hard work, but being a dvsangel has perks. Now if i can just get rid of this damn cold. Where’s my remote? Jose’s on. CULERO! CULERO! CULERO! CULERO!
my throat hurts, i’m uncomfortable, i’m irritable, i miss my tumblr friends (HEY YOU GUYS!!!), i have tissues everywhere, i’m hungry, i need dick, i’m thirsty, my hair is a mess, my stupid dog won’t stop barking at the neighbor’s dumbass kid (WHY ISN’T HE AT SCHOOL INSTEAD OF TORMENTING MY DOG?)…i want orange juice, and a carl’s jr…and chili cheese fries…and coconut cream pie from bill miller’s…will someone bring me some? Pleeeeeaaase? I’ll love you forever!…k thanks…i think i’ll go call the school truancy office…bye!!!